WE all know women who repeatedly get hooked up with the wrong man. The pattern of disastrous love is rather clear to everyone around them, but these blinded-by-love females do not seem to notice that they always fall for the same kind of man--the wrong man, and it never works out.
Perhaps you are a victim of blind love yourself. Maybe you thought you had finally found your love match only to realize much later, many heartaches and agonizing nights later, that Mr. Wonderful was not so wonderful after all. In fact, he was pretty much like that other awful man you thought was your true love, or the past beau you felt you could not live without but had to when he left you for that other woman.
Most times it is not just bad luck that steers women to the wrong man time and time again. Sometimes the pattern of loser-lovers is indicative of a deeper, more serious flaw in the woman's personality or character. Or the problem may stem from the woman's family history. And it usually is rooted in lack of self-esteem and self-love. In addition, far too many women blindly get involved with man after man without stopping to assess what went wrong in previous relationships. "Many women do not evaluate themselves or their relationships," says Dr. Joyce Hamilton Berry, a clinical psychologist in the Washington, D.C., area. "Consequently, they do not recognize the similarities that attract them to certain types of men."
Dr. Berry explains that when a woman repeatedly chooses the wrong man, those bad choices attempt to fulfill "needs" that sometimes go back to the woman's childhood, back to the time when she was not capable of analyzing the information at hand. Women who grow up and see their mothers in bad relationships, or grow up with fathers who are abusive, alcoholic or addicted to drugs, as children they watch these situations and think of ways their mothers should resolve the problem. "When they grow up themselves," says Dr. Berry, "they select men who are very much like their fathers. When they grow up in abusive families, they marry men who are abusive because they want to change the man. They tell themselves, `I can do what mommy was not able to do.' They are influenced by childhood fairy tales in which the prince rescues the damsel in distress, and they believe they will live `happily ever after.' They believe that you can take a frog, or a man with negative characteristics, and kiss him, and he will turn into a prince or, rather, the man of their dreams."
Posted By: DAVID JOHNSON
Thursday, April 19th 2012 at 3:06PM
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